I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
