he wants to bone in the snuggie
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
