I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
