so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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