Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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