Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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