dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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