i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
