love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
