I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
