I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
