Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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