Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
