This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize