I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
