Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
