Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
