In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
