he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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