Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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