Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
