1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
