You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
