I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i need some magic done to my vagina
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
