ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We got so high we made milksteak
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
