2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My bed smells like the plague
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
