I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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