I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
