AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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