My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
