when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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