I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
