I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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