her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
