Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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