i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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