I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
