I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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