I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
