I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
