I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
