Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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