I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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