I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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