how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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