I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
