i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize