I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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