she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
When are your genitals available?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
