Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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