i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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