I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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