I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
