My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The air was thick with penises
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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