Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
did you just send me my own nude
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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