I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
