If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
