It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
