I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
