At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
