I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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