thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
