I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
