the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize