that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
