Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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