i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i dont even know how to be here
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I am naked and annoyed.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
