we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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