I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
