I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
