Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize