The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!