I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again