I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
