don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
