Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
